Collision of the Heart
by RJEisenhuth
Summary: Takes place immediately after the episode "Collision Course" but with a twist. What if Commander Koenig had shot Dr. Russell as he threatened to do in this episode? Can a couple survive the trauma of near death AND betrayal, despite their growing attraction? This is a Valentine's Day Space: 1999 fiction!
1. Chapter 1

_This is a "what if" story and does not wish to infringe on the copyright holders of Space: 1999._

(1)

* * *

He had come to see her, leery but knowing she would grasp why he stopped her the way he did. She mildly responded to John Koenig's presence, as if saying "Oh, there you are.", when he entered Medical Center. Yet, she was guarded, maybe a bit too unruffled considering the substantial pain she was in. No matter how many hypodermic pain injections a man or woman takes, a laser blast to the shoulder is excruciating and does not leave them unaffected, physically or emotionally.

Helena Russell was now looking at him with different eyes. The warmth they shared from the past weeks and months on Monnbase Alpha, the empathetic and unspoken familiarity, was not the same as it was before he returned from Arra's spaceship. "We've pulled through another one." She surmised, appearing nearly fatigued by the notion, "Congratulations."

John Koenig sat carefully and slowly in a chair at her bedside, gauging her demeanor. "Helena, you know I had to do it." He murmured quietly, leaning forward and sincere. Now that Alpha was on her way, moving further into deep space, he could break away from Main Mission and visit his wounded loved one. If only she knew how difficult this was for him.

She nodded and looked a little away from him. "You warned me."

"I did but I'd do anything to take what happened back, Helena. Tell me you understand." He nearly pleaded.

"I do." She was sitting up in the bed, looking well, despite the wrapped wound to her shoulder, the damage placed there by himself. She then paused and spoke simply, "You shot me, John. I know why you had to do it. And regardless the threat, the fear, the knowing that Alpha and everyone aboard her was in peril … I never believed for a minute, not a single second, that you could purposely shoot that laser at … _me_."

* * *

It had been a nightmare.

"Don't make me do it, Helena!" he implored, "If it is between you and the other three hundred lives here on Alpha …" He allowed the warning to hang in the air even as his hand, the one that held the lethal weapon, trembled. She stared at him appearing at a loss, both worried and defiant. Only seconds passed but it seemed an eternity as he watched her, sensing her hand moving to the button.

He aimed instinctively and pressed the trigger on his gun.

The scream as the laser blast met Helena Russell's left shoulder was nearly deafening. Smoke arose from her uniformed shoulder as Paul Morrow caught her and, with Victor's help, carefully sat Helena on the steps that lead up to Commander Koenig's office.

Koenig felt his heart skip a beat. _Dear God, what had he done?_

"You Monster!" Sandra Benes cried. Never had an ill-word come from her mouth regarding her Commander but the young data analyst could not, during this moment of stress and terror, suppress her emotions. "How could you?"

"Easy!" Alan Carter, also wearing pajamas and looking as deluded as their Commander, backed up Koenig. His own gun was aimed at his friends. "We don't want this! Arra will save us all!" he promised, his Australian accent growing thick with expectation.

No one could believe it. They all watched, in stunned silence, unable to say more than what Sandra already imparted. If Koenig was willing to shoot Dr. Russell, who he was obviously very close to, possibly even loved, he would not hesitate to kill any of them!

And if he didn't Carter certainly would!

"It's too late!" Bergman called at Helena's side, slowly standing as he looked horrified up at the big screen. The moon was closing in on the planet and they all knew that everything they had brought with them from Earth was now at an end.

The Commander and Alan Carter had signed their death warrants!

A crackle, pop, and a buzz was heard. The lights dimmed and the air pressure about Moonbase Alpha gave the influence of compressing and holding.

Like Bergman, John looked from the visibly pained, slipping into shock, and terrified Helena, up to the Big Screen. He had believe Arra! How could she betray him, all of them, now?

But then the moon and alien world touched and the planet disappeared. Alpha was free and safe to continue with her journey!

With all the rushing about to get Alpha back into working condition, Koenig, exhausted, stunned, and disoriented, heard Victor call to Medical Center, ordering a stretcher for Helena Russell.

* * *

He had every right to do what he did. It was the correct thing to do. It saved everyone's life. Yet … _yet_ …

"The very idea that you possessed the _ability_ to kill me – the circumstances not withstanding – stays with me, John. I wish I could say that I am bigger than that. I sincerely yearn for us to go back to the way it was, with us getting to know one another, learning and caring for one another, but I think that is impossible now ..."

He heard her speaking in a near fog, his mind not quite connecting with the words Helena was saying. Perhaps he did not want to believe what she was trying to tell him. His hand moved to touch hers. Koenig was stunned when she pulled away. "Helena, I … You know how I feel about you. The others do not really fathom it but we …"

She looked into his eyes. Startling in their intensity, the blue was still beautiful to her despite their grave conversation. He was troubled but Helena, as hard as she tried, could not see past his duplicity. "I see you differently, John. No matter how much I appreciate what you did, knowing that everyone on Alpha grasps the importance of your sacrifice, you still … _hurt me_." Helena tried to explain it further, knowing it was unfair. He _had_ to do what he did. But he did it to _her_ and, perhaps because she was still traumatized, Helena could not find it in her heart to forgive him. "You deserve the Alphans appreciation. Honestly, you do. As one of your people … _I understand_ … but …" She gulped, pain and turmoil now registering, "I am sorry, John. I need you to leave."

He was completely stupefied, " _Helena_."

"Go now, please." She turned her head and looked away from him. She had nothing further to say.

* * *

 _Continue ..._


	2. Chapter 2

(2)

He left her feeling confused and heartsick. The one woman he cared for most on Alpha, had felt a deep attraction for; something more than a physical need or even tender whispers in the dark, was now out of his grasp. Perhaps for all time.

"I don't know how I pulled that trigger, Victor." He told his friend as they unwound in his office the following day.

Bergman sipped his coffee slowly as he listened. Sitting on the sofa, the doors to Main Mission closed, he nodded thoughtfully. "You talked with her?"

"I did. She understands … and she hates me. Under the circumstances, I can't blame her." Koenig turned slightly in his swivel chair, trying to hide the grief on his face.

" _Hate_ is a strong word, John. It will pass." Professor Bergman assured. "Helena is a smart woman. But right now she is in pain, confused, and feeling sensitive. She's still in shock, you know."

"I put her there." He reminded, unhappily. "And yes, I've told myself that, Victor. But I'm not so certain she will ever completely forgive me."

* * *

A week passed.

He pushed Helena from his mind, desperate to continue-on as they did when the moon first started its journey, to move forward and one day – if the fates of outer space agreed - to find a home like Earth, or perhaps even better than their home planet. Now, more than ever before, John Koenig wanted a place the Alphans could call their own.

Arra had confirmed that he, Alpha, and all of the Earth people that remained on the base meant more than they thought, even though they were a mere spec in outer-space. It was good to know they were significant, that his command had meaning, even if he was to remain lonely and unloved for the rest of his life. Perhaps this was the price he paid for being Alpha's Commander. Was this what Arra was eluding to when she said their journey, perhaps his alone, would be never ending?

He had not seen Helena in days. She did show for a command meeting earlier in the week, telling them that Medical and Life Support were on-line and functioning well. Koenig knew that under her tunic she was still bandaged and sore. To him she appeared delicate and pale yet she put on a brave if somewhat dispassionate face. He longed to speak with her.

She never, not once, made eye contact with him.

After the meeting, as everyone parted, John walked over to one of the windows in his office and looked out at the surface of the moon, then up into the void ahead. Unconsciously, a hand reach up and placed itself where the heart beat in his chest. It ached.

* * *

A few days later he looked at the calendar on his desk. The electronic mechanism flipped over to reveal the star-date, the days since leaving Earth orbit, and what the Alphans and moon estimated was the date on Earth.

Tomorrow was Saint Valentine's Day and a party was being given that evening in Recreation Room Three. It was arranged by Sarah Foster and Kel Bennet, both engineers. They had told Koenig, after the threat of a planetary collision and other stresses, the Alphans needed some fun. He agreed. As long as they both worked their shifts and planned the party during time off, the celebration was a welcome diversion.

The Commander would not be attending. His entire Main Mission staff were itching for a bit of enjoyment, to spend time with their friends and lovers, and he could see no reason to make them work when he could very easily hold down Main Mission. There was nothing but clear space ahead and if an emergency did happen his people were a comlock call away.

Besides, there was no reason for him to attend. The one person he wanted to be with during the merrymaking was no longer his to keep company with and the party itself would just remind him how lonely it was to be the Commander of a lowly moonbase, travelling deep space. He could just see his people, happy in each other's company, men and women making a connection during a time of love and togetherness. He would feel out of place and awkward.

* * *

The following day Victor Bergman met with Helena for lunch. As they ate, drank coffee, and chatted, the conversation eventually gravitated to the white elephant in the room between them.

"I wish you would talk with him, Helena."

She sighed gently, looking slightly off into the distance. "I know." She said, regretfully. "I just do not know what to say to him to make us both feel everything is all right. It isn't, you know." Helena reflexively reached up to touch her injured but healing shoulder. "The thing is, I know he's sorry, that he wishes it would never have happened, but I cannot get passed the fact that he was capable of killing me, Victor."

"I am not so certain that is a fact."

"He shot me." She spoke calmly but her voice trembled slightly with exasperation.

"In the _shoulder_. Helena I think if John really wanted you dead he could have easily aim that gun at your chest."

She nodded, "I told myself that, Victor. I wish it made a difference. He still pulled the trigger."

Helena watched as Alan Carter entered the dining room. He briefly acknowledged she and Victor then joined a table of his friends and workmates. Tanya was there and Helena knew he and the Main Mission operative were an item these days. How interesting, she thought, that a little over a week ago Alan was threatening some of these people's lives, all of them actually, but here he was with them now, as thick as thieves!

"Let me suggest something to you." Victor smiled gently at his friend, took her hand from across the table, and spoke low. "We did something just as bad - if not worse - to John Koenig."

Her eyes widened ever so slightly. What could he be talking about?

"He's our Commander, our very good friend, and we betrayed him, the both of us as well as his entire command staff. We made him think we believed him about Arra then, when his back was turned, we drugged him and pretty much took over command. He forgave us and, oddly, even respected us for not believing what he knew sounded ridiculous to rational ears. It was true, Helena. Every word of it."

"Well yes, but we had an excellent reason for doing that, Victor. We thought radiation had warped Alan and John's minds and if they were sick as we suspected …."

"Yes." He interrupted gently, "And as much as we hated to do it we did what we did. Just like John did the unthinkable." Victor released Helena's hand and picked up his napkin. Carefully, gazing at her thoughtful expression, he dabbed gently at his mouth. He could see the realization dawning and he was satisfied. "I plan on going to that party tonight. Ruth Kimball asked me to attend with her. She is a lovely lady of science and the arts. I do not want to disappoint her."

Helena's contemplative expression turned a bit more impish and she grinned, "I never thought of you as a man about town, Victor. Do you have a lady in every department?"

"No." he chuckled gently, "But then we haven't been out in space that long, have we?" He stood and before he parted said one last thing, "Except for John, Main Mission will be empty tonight. Just thought you might want to know."

Helena watched her friend leave the table and walk from the dining room. He was an intelligent man, smart about everything from science to the human condition - and matters of the heart.

With a soft sigh, feeling she may have blundered, Helena briefly closed her eyes. Yes, she had plans tonight too.

* * *

 _To Be Continued ... Final Chapter ... Soon._


	3. Chapter 3

(3)

He listened to the music, played by a small orchestra of technicians that were tunefully inclined, over a speaker in Main Mission. He had it turned down low but Koenig could hear laughter in the background, Alan cracking a rather blue joke, a silly but sincere laugh from that botanist, Ginger Su, and even a toast by none other than Professor Bergman, wishing one and all well on this evening of Saint Valentine.

The Commander sat at his desk, the Main Mission doors open from his office to reveal the Big Screen. Elbows on the desktop, hands folded together, he balanced his firm chin on accommodating knuckles.

He watched the blackness, stars, and gentle waves of color appearing and disappearing in the vastness before them. John found the space gasses accumulating and dissipating especially soothing for some reason, Alpha bypassing far from their dangerous influences. As a boy, looking at photographs, he wished he could reach out and touch those clouds but, even then, he understood how dangerous and virtually impossible that was.

Koenig's eyes closed briefly and he thought about a time on Earth, when he was younger, and he received his first communique that Alpha was not just being built but he eventually would be serving a tour of duty on her. They needed a few good astrophysicists and he came highly recommended. It was also suggested that the fledgling and eager John Koenig might be involved with future flights to Venus and possibly Saturn.

But it was the Moon that Koenig was most interested in. Earth's moon and Alpha. Where would they take him professionally and personally? Even back then he knew there was something special about the moonbase, that one day he would be its Commander. Never had he suspected the moon and everyone on it would be blown from Earth orbit to float endlessly through space. Yet, even during that first tour of duty he had an intuition; something amazing was going to spring from Alpha and its people through his eventual command. Later, when he became Alpha's Commander, John thought it was Meta, those very early signals captivating their small and confidential but eager audience.

Later, after the disaster, Victor said they were existing in a science paradise, learning and living through things no Earthling could ever have thought to encounter in their lifetimes. They truly were the pioneers of outer space!

Koenig reached for a button on his console and gently dimmed the lights in Main Mission. Their main center of operation was so big, with its vaulted ceiling and large windows showing what some thought the bleakness of space, it often appeared cold. More-so when he was the only person manning it. With the illumination low, Main Mission seemed a little more cozy.

John got up from his chair and disregarded the paperwork he had strewn on the tabletop. He really was not in the mood. He took a few steps down, still looking at the screen and sat down on the top step, smiling gently. He probably looked like a day-dreaming fool, but it was not often he got the chance to enjoy such solitude.

Yet, he really was _not_ enjoying himself and it did not take a psychiatrist as talented as Bob Mathias to determine why he was feeling depressed. How were they going to get through this one? He and Helena would eventually have to talk, even if just to work together, but that was going to be so difficult …

"Laying down on the job, John?"

He immediately recognized the soft, smooth voice and thought, for a moment, his imagination was playing tricks on him. She was silhouetted in the frame of the main double doors from the outside hall into Main Mission. She held something in her hands and he could see it clearly as she approached.

"Helena." He said, feeling both nervous and strangely gratified.

"Victor told me you would be here on your own tonight." She murmured as she advanced. She sat a little away from him on the top step and placed two plastic cups and a bottle of wine between them.

"Did he?" Koenig knew he must sound foolish but he was completely stunned by her appearance. He looked at Helena, at her gentle smile, golden hair, the elegance and beauty of her manners. He nodded, explaining how he thought it was a good idea for everyone to have a break, a little pleasure tonight.

"All but you?" she asked.

"A Commander's happiness comes when his people are … happy." He said, somewhat lamely, unable to find the right words. "Kano said he'd come on by in a few hours and relieve me."

Helena looked out at the universe he had been watching. "Such a big expanse of space out there, isn't it?" she murmured, aware he was watching her. "When Lee left for Jupiter I thought he was so far away but look at us now, millions of light years away from our own galaxy."

Koenig looked down at the bottle and cups, "You still think of him." he whispered, acknowledging Helena and her departed husband's bond.

"He will never be long out of my mind." she admitted. Then: "But I know Lee would want me to continue on, to find a life for myself, and …" she hesitated ever so slightly, " … to forgive those who might have done something careless but reasonable." She cleared her throat a little and looked at the bottle, "Shall I pour?" she asked, "It's the same wine they are serving at the party. Aaron Pretsi from the kitchens prepared it. It's not great." She quickly said, "but it's not too bad either."

"I'm on duty." Koenig reminded, "I should not be drinking at all."

Helena poured. "I'm your doctor." She said, "I say live a little."

They did a short "cheers" gesture and sipped. The couple were quiet for a few minutes, looking up at the screen, listening to the soft music, and wondering who should make the next move.

Finally, Koenig asked directly, " _Are_ you forgiving me, Helena?" His eyes could not help looking to the shoulder of her uniform, seeing the slightly rumpled material where the bandage remained. It would take a while for the laser wound to completely heal and when it finally did she would be left with a nasty scar. He knew Mathias would suggest plastic surgery to smooth it out but Koenig did not know if Helena would agree. There were a lot of things about Helena he did not entirely understand, including why she was with him right now when she could be enjoying the party.

"I _do_ forgive you, John. I should not have been so angry in the first place. I don't usually hold a grudge but … I hope _you_ can forgive my pig-headedness." She clarified, "You have the hardest job in the world and we, all of us on Moonbase Alpha, owe you our lives. Yet, we question your command time and again. If you were not the right man for this job you would have lost it long ago. Somehow, I do not see Commander Gorski lasting a week under these same conditions."

"Sometimes I need to be questioned." He disclosed and once again sipped his drink.

"I suppose we all do." Helena chuckled gently. Then, more seriously: "But you never asked for this." She waved her hand as if to embrace Main Mission and Alpha, "And the least we can do is understand, guide you, and when matters look bleakest, we should know _why_ you do what you do, John." She then took a deep breath and exhaled. Helena turned and looked directly at him. "If in the future for some reason you should have to take action against me, I will not _ever again_ close you out, John. You must do what you must – even if you need to injure or kill me or any of the others."

"It won't happen again, Helena." he assured, expression equally as frank. "There is no way I could ever see you come to harm again."

"Don't say that, John. One day there may be a time when either Victor or myself will be in dire peril. If one or the other of us must die so that Alpha can continue, you will have to make the decision." Again she looked into his eyes, "I'm telling you this now because I don't want you to ever think I would die hating you. On the contrary, I love …." She gulped slightly and looked away, the words not easy after days of self-pity then guilt.

"Hey." He put a hand on her uninjured shoulder, feeling warmth and hope for the first time in a long while. "Don't assume I would ever hold a grudge against you either." He leaned over and gently kissed her on the cheek, "I am rather fond of you too, you see." He whispered in her ear.

Again, they both chuckled gently.

Mild jazzy music was heard from the party band over the speakers and Koenig watched as Helena turned, reacting favorably to it.

"Come." He took the cup from her hand and placed it on the second step with his own. He stood and took her hand, miming her to do the same. "Let's dance."

They came together and he held her close, careful not to aggravate her wound. They swayed gently on the smooth floor near his office desk. John was gratified when Helena laid her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes, delighting in her softness, warmth, and the scent of her subtle perfume. He never thought to feel like this again.

And yes, he was so please that a new understanding was forming between them. Both felt their emotional connection resume and he wished they could remain like this forever. Koenig could almost hear Arra whispering in his head, telling him about the plan of the universe and their part in it. He and Helena.

"John." She whispered and looked up at him, "Happy Valentine's Day."

"To you too, Helena."

Slowly, he craned his head and she reached up, their lips meeting softly. It was a profound kiss, nearly tentative, but lush in its meaning and the feeling it conveyed. He nearly opened-up to her further when they heard a slight in-draw of breath near the main doors. Helena had left them open when she came to see John.

Still holding one another, their kiss interrupted, John and Helena looked to where Paul and Sandra stood. Silly and amused expressions were on their ever so slightly inebriated faces.

"We thought to take over for you, Commander." Sandra said, "So you could go to the party."

"But we see Dr. Russell got here first." Morrow added with an entertained and nearly wolfish look in his normally somber eyes.

"Yes." Helena straightened and pulled a little away from Koenig, behaving as if it was business as usual although it obviously was not. "That is very nice of you, Paul and Sandra. I was just telling the Commander he should relax a little more."

"Yes, umh, maybe we can go to the party … now." Koenig straightened as Helena had done. "It would be a nice distraction."

"Hurry, before all the refreshments are gone." Paul looked to the wine bottle and cups on the office steps. "Although it seems …" Again, he smiled, amused.

With a sigh, knowing they were "caught", Koenig simply said: "Take the rest of the wine and enjoy yourselves." Then he added, knowing the couple's relationship and the fact they would be working – "But not _too_ much." He then took Helena by the hand and walked with her down the stairs to the exit. "And thank you, Paul and Sandra, for the Valentine's Day gift."

"Yes," Helena chimed in. "We will have a great time … at the party."

"We owe you both." Paul said as he watch Sandra pick up and examine the bottle they left behind. "Have fun."

The doors closed behind the couple as they left and Sandra's eyes met Paul's across the room with further amusement. They fooled no one.

The Commander and Dr. Russell were _not_ going to the party.

* * *

There would be more terrors and misunderstandings. He would be questioned yet again. They were all human beings, frightened and mistrusting in the deep reaches of space, and it was inevitable.

However, John Koenig would keep to his promise and one day, when the moon was stopped cold in space, when what seemed like a mad-man held Helena hostage, threatening her life and all of Alpha, the Commander could not and would not bring himself to say the words that might bring about her death.

Later, a slapdash plan formed and implemented, his people once again understood and believed in their Commander. Yet, it was fate and possibly even the influence of Arra that got the moon moving and in working order again.

All would be well – had to be – for the people of the moon to fulfill their destiny in outer-space. And perhaps with Luke and Anna, the Earth people's advancement in the universe had already begun.

But even then, he would remember this Valentine's Day, how John Koenig - possibly the last Commander of Moonbase Alpha - had been embraced, forgiven, kissed, and loved deeply and earnestly by the woman of his dreams. The compensations of this crazy life in space made all of the difference in the universe.

Perhaps Arra understood that as well.

He and Helena Russell, everyone on Moonbase Alpha, did have a future. Whether by choice or providence, the moon continued its journey.

* * *

 **The End**

February 2017.

 _And Happy Valentine's Day to all of you too! :)_


End file.
